Saturday, July 27, 2013

Two Faces of Shame...



THE TWO FACES OF SHAME…


Shame is an evil witch that parks her broom outside my home, lurks by the door waiting to sneak inside or sometimes, even expects to be invited to enter. I have lived with this wicked creature my entire life so one would think I would be consumed with a hatred for her, a disdain so great, that I shudder at the mere mention of her name. Oddly, I don’t.

Shame has imprisoned me from truly living until now, but she also saved my life…

I began my “writing journey” not as a fulfillment of a life-long dream as most writers do, but more as a panacea to ward off the empty-nest syndrome I will be experiencing very soon, and to stave off loneliness in my life.  I love romance…well, let me clarify, I love a great story laced with romance. I’m a voracious reader (over 700 books read in 6 years) so I thought, “This can’t be that hard to do.” Though not a writer, I can tell a pretty good story or two.

I sat down with pen and paper (I’m dating myself, I know. Computers and I used to be on really ugly terms) and tried to write my first romance…maybe a short story to start out with. I was blank, no muse at all, just this niggling little voice inside my head. I scribbled some gibberish not worth the paper it was on, then heard the voice again…”Tell our story! Give me a voice Taylor!” For whatever reason, I finally listened.

MY PRISON WITHOUT BARS: THE JOURNEY OF A DAMAGED WOMAN TO SOMEPLACE NORMAL is my fictional memoir. It’s a novel based on a true story…my story.
When I began this journey, I could barely utter the words “Child Sexual Abuse” without stuttering and stammering, even though I was hell bent on using my real name, not a pen name as I was encouraged to do. I didn’t want to write a memoir. I didn’t know how. I hadn’t ever read one. I had this crazy notion that if you wrote a memoir, somehow you were supposed to have some sort of second sight, philosophical insight…answers, if you will, to all the points and questions raised while telling your story. Unfortunately, I knew I had no answers…just Shame.

In the beginning, my writing was relatively innocuous. I told of my abuser and the abuse I endured with little, to no detail. I continued writing my story passing the abuse, moving on to the fallout or damage that victims live with long after the abuse ends. Halfway through my novel, Penn State University erupted in the media, throughout the U.S. with breaking news about long term, persistent, child sexual abuse of young boys in a summer athletic program hosted by the University, run by Jerry Sandusky…now, a convicted pedophile.

Joe Paterno, the head football coach for Penn State and beloved icon, had been informed of this heinous activity and did nothing to stop it, or prevent it from continuing. He had knowledge of the crime for years, yet turned a blind eye to it.  By turns, he was quickly fired for his part in the cover-up. He and his football team were stripped of all their awards and titles, not only for this particular year, but for all accolades during his tenure. The University even went so far as to remove a statue honoring him. The University was also sanctioned and subjected to heavy, punitive fines. I was ecstatic! FINALLY! Someone was taking a stand on behalf of the victims.

I was glued to the television, following the story as it unfolded. Then, I noticed the victim’s interviews were being edited and cut. I watched students protest and riot in the streets. The final straw for me was a group interview on the campus with several students, faculty, and some administrators crying “FOUL!” One administrator or faculty member said, “This isn’t right! The punishment is TOO HARSH for the crime!”

I was beyond RAGE…a door in my head swung open and something inside of me snapped! I actually felt possessed. I went to the beginning of my novel, read through the first eight chapters that described the abuse (leaving much to the reader’s imagination) then I tore it to shreds! I started OVER…

The words poured out of me like water gushing down a flushed toilet. I wrote with rage and fury, letting the words and experiences flow from the depths of my soul. I wrote until my hand cramped and my fingers were numb…then I cried. I cried for myself, then for all the innocent children that are lost and have no voice. I cried in Shame…

Why so graphic? I mean come on, does the reader really need to read all the gory details of such an atrocity? The answer is yes...they do! The mind is a compensatory computer, allowing a plethora of knowledge and feelings to flow through its pathways…it's always filtering or camouflaging some things, buffering or blocking others, and completely shutting off when unable to handle or compute. In other words, it makes sure the soul can handle the download. 

And therein lays the problem with Child Sexual Abuse. We hear those three words and our minds will only allow us to imagine so far before we filter, buffer, block, or completely shut off the things too unpleasant to handle. My mission became clear…I had to take the reader to that dark, dismal, shameful place no one ever talks about, and with my written words…make them feel.

I know a place so dark that the only light is the knowledge I survived last night. I know a place so shameful, that the only hope is surviving tonight, and the next night, and the next…

video

So, for good or bad, I laid myself naked and exposed to the world (or at least to the few friends that would actually read my book). I bared myself before everyone to be judged, criticized and condemned.  I left nothing to the imagination…I take the reader far beyond what is comfortable and far beyond what most would consider appropriate.

My novel is dark, disturbing, and very GRAPHIC…because you see, that’s what Child Sexual Abuse really is, and we as a society (a global society) need to come to terms with that. I have had family, friends, and colleagues (both medical and literary) accuse me of writing a “HOW-TO FOR PEDOPHILES” (I can assure you from experience, they don’t need directions) to writing Child Porn or really bad Erotica (RED ALERT: If anyone is titillated or turned on by any of the descriptions I have written concerning the abuse I endured, they need help!) 

In response, I stand as tall as I can, my back straight and my head held high. I’m no longer a victim, or a survivor…I AM A WARRIOR!

I was introduced to Shame at a very young age…I believe I was six at the time. Shame was that little voice in my head, telling me what was happening to me was wrong. Because you see, abusers seclude their victims, putting them in solitary confinement with no connection to the norms of society or the ways of the outside world. Children learn what they live. Had I not met Shame, not been introduced to the “wrongness” of the life I lived, the cycle would have probably continued with me…for without Shame, we know no better. Shame in all her evil glory, saved my life!

Was I too descriptive? Probably. Was I too graphic? Definitely! But I saw no other way to lead readers through my journey…the journey of a lost and forgotten child that had no voice, no protector. I do not apologize for the subject matter or the way I wrote it. Fear of the unknown breeds ignorance, and ignorance perpetuates the unknown! My job as a writer in this instance, is to make you feel. If you come away from my book with an inkling of what it’s like to have no choices, no freedom and no safety as an innocent, defenseless child, well then I’ve done my job. 

So what’s the response to my work? My novel to date has done very well. On Amazon it has over 125~ 5 star reviews out of 143, and is ranked in the Top 25 in two categories for twenty-one weeks. On Goodreads, my book maintains a 4.5 rating and has 90 review/ratings. This response is not the norm for a self-published "taboo novel."

As of June 1st 2013, my little “taboo novel” won 1st Place in the prestigious IRDA, INDIE READER DISCOVERY AWARDS presented at the BEA, BOOK EXPO OF AMERICA (the largest trade show for publishers and authors in the world) in NYC. I went to New York to accept this award.

I was recently notified that my novel is a finalist in the READERS FAVORITE INTERNATIONAL BOOK AWARDS for my category, Reality/Fiction. The winners will be announced September 1, 2013. The awards will be presented in Miami, Florida in mid-November. I plan to attend that ceremony as well.

In closing, I'd like to say that I never ask anyone to buy or read my novel. Unfortunately, it's not that kind of book. It's a personal choice to go to that dark place I describe in detail, but let me assure you, it's not a pity pit. My novel is also a psychological thriller, a romance and revenge sought out and realized. If you can get through it, it speaks of light, hope, and acceptance...my journey to someplace normal. This is as bared and naked as I'll ever be.

 I’m proud to say the little girl inside my book (inside of me) is fine…I protect her now. This little girl has found her voice…

*I want to thank you Marta, for your gracious, courageous and persistent invitation to guest post on your blogroll. You truly honor me, my story and my life. Thank you most of all for your love, support and friendship…I am blessed beyond measure by all three.

~Taylor~
Write from the heart...with passion!




MY PRISON WITHOUT BARS
viewBook.at/MyPrisonWithoutBarsTheJourneyofaDamagedWomant

TAYLOR EVAN FULKS

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41 comments:

  1. Taylor, your courage is inspiring but more than that your ability to stand up and fight for recognition without shame is humbling. Congratulations first on telling your story and then on all the acknowledgement you are getting showing that the world wants to hear and to help. Well done!

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    1. Oh my Elaine...

      I have a lump in my throat the size of Texas!

      This has been such an emotional rollercoaster...the highs with the success of the book and responses to it, and the lows of reliving each and every memory. They say when you can tell your story without crying, you have healed. My eyes will never be completely dry, but I can hold my up now...and smile.
      Thank you for your lovely comment. You touch my heart!

      ~Taylor

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  2. Taylor, you are a strong woman who has overcome horrors that no child should ever have to deal with. I'm sure your book will inspire and help others to face their own shame.

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    1. Trish...

      Thank you for the lovely comment. I hope it can do that as well my friend.

      ~Taylor

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  3. Why would we want to read about a toddler's sexual abuse? The answer is we wouldn't want to--but we need to.

    For the child, now grown, to have the courage to tell some of the graphic details of her abuse is a gift to everyone who wants to make the world a better place for the young.

    Tayor's well-written post describes the purpose for writing this extraordinary book, giving truth to what most abused keep hidden in those dark places. Coming into the light, she has found healing and by sharing that light, she offers help, not only to those who experienced abuse but also to those who say they want to be a part of the change.

    Thank you, dear sister, for loving others enough to bare the shame and brave the consequences.

    May the light continue to shine on you and your work!

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    1. Joyce...

      My dear sister and precious friend, you have succeeded in making me cry. What lovely, eloquent insights you share.

      Each day gets better...I get stronger (thicker skinned) and my back becomes a little straighter. I am finding that even in the deepest, darkest caverns of despair, we all can conger an inkling of light...it comes from within.

      Hugs and love to you my sister...

      ~Taylor

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  4. Taylor, I wish you much success with your book. It takes a great deal of strength to put down on paper or computer screen the ordeals of our lives and then make them available to others. Thank you, Marta, for posting this outstanding blog.

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    1. Sal...

      Thank you my sweet friend. In the beginning of this journey, I used to say if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't.

      Now...well, let's just say I've had a taste of freedom, the freedom that comes with the telling. But as we all know, freedom comes at a very high price. I hope I'm "paid in full" and all is square.

      ~Taylor

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  5. Taylor you give a clear eye to a horrific crime that relatively goes unseen in our society. You are an inspiration for others to speak out for those who can't out of fear or shame. Much success with your book. You are the voice for so many out there.

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    1. Cynthia...

      Thank you dear friend for your comment. I hope I can be a voice for children and adult survivors (I hate that term...we are Warriors!) of child sexual abuse.

      I'm a firm believer that fear of the unknown breeds ignorance, and ignorance perpetuates the unknown...I just hope people will listen...

      ~Taylor

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  6. Taylor,

    You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You were not the perpetrator. SHAME on the PERPETRATOR!! You were a little girl trying to be a little girl.

    I believe until we as a society learn to let children tell the gory details of Child Sexual Abuse, we will not be able to get a handle on this problem, and fix it.

    I have not read your book, but I want to thank you for having the courage to tell the details, however graphic.

    Now I’ll go and send this story and post to all of my social networking sites, so that other families can be blessed and supported by your strength, and perhaps learn to take notice of their children.

    God Bless YOU, Taylor.

    Cherrye S. Vasquez, Ph.D.


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    1. Cherrye...

      You are Top Shelf in my book, not only for your constant vocal support of my book from day one, but also for your unflinching fight for the happiness, well-being and rights of our precious children.

      I wish to clarify...I realize what happened in my childhood was not my fault...It happened to me. I neither asked for or deserved the life I had. But shame is a part of it...some aspects good and many aspects bad.

      My shame has kept me silent for four decades, sequestered in secrecy for fear of others shunning me. Well, as we all know, I've left nothing to the imagination...Just call me "Full disclosure Taylor."

      But it also saved my life and the lives of my children. Because without a sense of right and wrong, we are destined to perpetuate the behavior. Bullying is a prime example. My bet is that those children that bully have parents that either bullied others or were the recipients of such behavior. Either way, the behavior continues. Hopefully, you and I with the help of many others, can give a face and a voice to these atrocities. Maybe we can be a catalyst toward stopping it...It's in God's hands.

      Thank you for sharing. God bless YOU my sister!

      ~Taylor

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  7. I read and reviewed Taylor's extraordinary book. It was difficult at times since I was abused as a toddler and later in life. It was like remembering all over again. But the story has to be told, the blame placed, so that forgiveness and healing can begin. As Taylor knows, even when you think you've gotten past it, the subconscious has it neatly tucked away, allowing just enough to seep out and destroy your life until the one day when you can finally just let it go. This book should be read not only by those abused, but to alert parents and caregivers to the pervasive, silent, hidden, abuse that goes on constantly--because abusers rarely tell.

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    1. Sweet Micki...

      This is one of the reasons I love you so dearly. I know you read my book at a great cost to your own peace of mind. You are a sister of my soul...a Warrior!

      You speak of forgiveness and healing. That is truly the hard part of this journey (actually all of it has been difficult)and where I happen to be in my head right now.

      I have finally allowed myself to feel the appropriate feelings one should feel toward not only my abuser, but also the family members that let me down. I'm in the onion stage of my life...peeling away the layers of shame, anger and denial. As with most onions, the peeling brings on the tears.

      Thank you for your support my friend/sister...

      ~Taylor

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  8. I'm posting for Sarah Mallery, who cannot enter her comment.

    "Your article about finding the right subject and voice was not only very interesting and insightful, to me, it was a true portrayal of how the creative mind works; how sometimes we think we're stagnant and then POW! Something jump-starts us and we can't stop.

    I applaud your bringing out into the open the 'shame' of abuse---how it often lies dormant for so many years and then, suddenly, the victim realizes that if it doesn't come out, she/he will not survive.

    Good for you for being so honest. And good for you for writing SO WELL!
    (Just read some from your book). My best to you in your journey.

    Sarah Mallery (S. R. Mallery), author"

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    1. Sarah...

      As an author yourself, you know that the greatest compliment you can receive is one stating "you write so well!" Well I must tell you, it's even better when it comes from another author! You have made my year!

      As for dormancy, I like the analogy of a blister. As you go about your chores, doing the same repetitive motions, something niggles you, rubs you the wrong way. The subsequent reaction is a painful, festering blister. Oh, you can still function, do your work, take care of your family, live relatively normal...but the pain and potential eruption are always there, just under the surface of some very thin skin.

      The only way to fully heal (and in truth, I don't think you can) is to tear that skin away and let the wound air out. It remains tender and vulnerable for a time, but eventually it grows new, stronger, healthier skin.

      I love the skin I'm in...finally!

      Thank you for your lovely words...

      ~Taylor

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  9. I am posting for Pat Yeager, who cannot enter her comment.

    Hello Taylor,
    I haven't read your book yet, however I intend to. I just want to tell you, I know the immense courage it takes to tell someone you have been molested, much less, write about it. My dear, I am so glad you did not wait until you were late in your years to write your story, as I have. Unfortunately, I stuffed my experiences so deep inside my soul, and left them there until I was 49 yrs. old when my thirteen-year-old son, had a breakdown, and told his doctor he was molested as a small child, by a teenager who moved away, afterward. We searched for the boy and discovered he had died from MS. I was so heartbroken for my son, I too went through a breakdown as mine surfaced. I simply never knew the mind had such control over us. He is a victim of clinical depression by his attack, and he is 33 yrs. old. It ruined his life and he struggles daily. He will not talk about it, and I can honestly understand why. When I finally opened up about my attack, I was, quite honestly, peered at as though I had just told the biggest lie anyone in the world had ever told. I couldn't explain why I shut it out for so many years, or where it went. But when it returned, the memory came back as a monster crawling out from under my bed. I am well, now, and like you, have come to know I am a perfect child in God's eyes. Those who believed me and helped me through, and those who show me love today, are my true beloved friends, and relatives. They are all I need, and Marta is one of them.

    God Bless you Taylor, you're pretty awesome.
    Pat

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    1. Pat...

      Sweet sister of my soul...and that is just what we are...we Warriors. Because it takes a warrior to rise up from the ashes of darkness and despair, dust off, swallow our shame and face the world ahead of us, all the while shackled by shame and secrecy.
      You force me to have to tell this...I'm fifty-one! I was forty-nine as well, when I started this journey. I spent four decades living a lie, living in shame and secrecy and making sure everyone around me was happy. I can't tell you for certain what made me do this...a little voice in the back of my head, or despair over the life I had ahead of me at the time. I'll probably never know.
      Your son (God Bless him) is where I was at age thirty-eight. I was an open wound, bleeding and festering. My mother knew...she knew what was happening to me and did nothing to stop it or prevent it. She divorced my abuser after six years of abusing me, then allowed him to come back for three more years after the divorce, for conjugal visits...with me! It wasn't till I was reading my MS for my first editorial submission, that I read what I wrote about that situation and it finally sank in!
      That was a game-changer for me on so many levels. It's also where I'm at in my head right now. Don't get me wrong...unlike you, I never forgot, blacked out or repressed my memories (maybe it wasn't a blessing I was to be afforded). I remember everything down to the sounds and smells around me back then, but...I didn't allow myself to fully engage my mind or my emotions. I didn't allow myself to feel the appropriate feelings I should have had for my mother...after all, she is still my mother!
      That mindset has changed for me, and that is what I'm trying to resolve in my mind. We have a very strained relationship at present. She continues to deny her culpability in the matter. She will have to deal with that in her own eternity.
      If I could make one suggestion...a bit of knowledge I've gained while on this journey...I encourage you and your son to write about the abuse each of you endured, full disclosure, in detail, right down to the smells and sounds of the room. Do it with no intention of anyone ever reading it or publishing it as I did. Write what led up to the dreadful moment(s), what happened during, and what you felt after, during and prior to that horror. Then read it out loud in the privacy of your own space...read it again...and again...and again.
      I've learned that there is great healing in the TELLING! You remain damaged, but not ruined. In my book, I refer to a piece of furniture, a coffee table, my youngest daughter (almost 3 at the time) hammered seven nails into the top panel. I'll allay your worries...she lived...heehee!
      I removed the nails, stripped the table of stain and varnish, sanded, filled the nail holes, sanded, stained, sanded again, stained again, and then varnished three times. No matter how hard I tried to repair it, the stain didn't cover the wood putty. The varnish didn't stick like it should. In essence, the furniture was still a beautiful table, still functional and still useful, but it remained damaged...like me. A lamp covers the holes now.
      I'm damaged goods...but I'm not ruined. The telling has set me free and my sweet sister, it will set you and your son free as well. You will finally have perspective (some you don't even realize) and a sense of Acceptance. The past is over. You don't live there anymore. It's time to let go and live...I hope you will heed my advice. It's not a cure-all, but it's worth a shot. It may put your demons and his, to rest.
      God bless you and your son...I pray you both find peace from your sorrow and light on you path. And by the way, I think you're pretty awesome too Pat...

      ~Taylor

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  10. Taylor, you inspire us all with your courageous perseverance, your gathered insights, and your unstinting portrayal of what tends to (as you say) remain hidden. Congratulations on the completion and admirable success of your novel!

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    1. PJ...

      Thank you for the visit and the lovely comment. Unfortunately, I'm afraid the problem will remain with us...it dates back to Biblical times. Hopefully we can come to some comfort level in our society that enables us to speak up about the issue, teach children to TELL, teach teachers to recognize the signs, and maybe someday, be able to halt the abuse before it ruins another child. That is my hope anyway...

      ~Taylor

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  11. Dear Taylor, I read about "My Prison Without Bars" and I applaud your courage to come forth with this story to strengthen in spirit and overcome this tragedy in order to go on in life, for you are a shero! You help other victims by reaching out to them and telling them that sublimating their wounds without seeking help will only exacerbate their pain; and your story informs the public that crimes of abuse cannot and will not go unpunished if only victims will speak out and seek help. We hear you!

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    1. Shari...

      Oh thank you sweet friend! You touch my heart!

      I cannot and will not apologize for the way I wrote it...but I will say that my intent was never to shock or hurt anyone with my writing. For you to say it helps others, that makes all the angst and negative worthwhile.

      Thank you for the visit and your lovely insights...you truly honor me.

      ~Taylor

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  12. By admitting Shame you gave yourself reason for Pride, Taylor. And I hear your next book is underway. Congratulations!

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    1. Thank you lovey...

      Pride in the mistakes and decisions I've made? No. Pride in the book I have written? Yes love...I feel I've had to lay myself bare, flaws and all to give those younger, smaller, and weaker than I a face and a voice. I hope I have done that.

      As for writing....YES!! I am currently working on my next novel, SINS OF MY FATHER, a novel also based on a true story, but totally different than MPWB. It is a Mystery/Romance and a true labor of love. I've had the story in my head for about five years and it's cooked and ready to be served...heehee!
      I hope to have it out in the spring of 2014. I'm a perfectionist by nature, so we'll see.

      Thank you for the visit and the comment.

      ~Taylor

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  13. PS my name is Pim, I pushed a wrong button...

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    1. No worries Pim...

      I've been known to push a "wrong button" or two in my life as well...

      ~Taylor

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  14. Taylor, as you well know, not only have I read your book but have established a close friendship with you as well. Reading your article has shed even further light on your life and reasons for writing your story. . .not to be simply written down as one would in a diary or journal but put to print for all the world to bear witness. It is a message of hope in times of the bitterest despair, a will to survive beyond all odds. Congratulations on your success with your first book! Looking forward to more to come!

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    1. Sharla...

      My precious sister...You are a far better person than I. Thank you for all your support, both professionally and on a personal level. You have been with me in heart and spirit almost from the beginning, always there for me, never wavering, one of my first true friends. Though the miles between us are many, I couldn't feel closer if you were right next to me. Thank you for your lovely words...I love you my sister.

      ~Taylor

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  15. Thank you so much for having the courage to give that little girl a voice. Wishing you continued success.

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  16. Leanne...

    Thank you for the visit and the lovely comment. The little girl is doing better everyday.

    All the best to you...

    ~Taylor

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  17. Hi Taylor,

    You're really a courageous woman! To be ashamed is a natural feeling for the victim. Perpetrators usually have no conscience. In their point of view, they are not responsible for the crime they've committed but they are because they know the difference between good and evil. The only thing is that they obviate the evil of the crime and they justify it because of the need of it. Anyway, they are guilty, they really know what they do. And they do know that what they do is a crime.
    Sure, we're living in a global society and everybody has learnt about Child Sexual Abuse, but through newsflash. To tell in detail this kind of crime may produce sensations that a lot of people are incapable of confronting. I think that that is the reason for some aversion. My opinion is that we should know although the reality hurts. We must know how evil works in order to annihilate it from the human being.
    Thanks Taylor for your courage. Best wishes.

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  18. Ana...

    First, thank you for the visit and taking the time and effort to comment.

    Second, you are absolutely correct on all counts, however shame is a by-product of the encounter. No matter how much counseling one has, or self actualization one may conjure from that sane and rational place we as civilized people so deftly hang on to, shame is like a scar that has healed but leaves a shadow of the wound once there, open and bleeding. You can try to conceal it with clothing or make-up or sparkly, shiny things, but it remains there always, a constant reminder of what happened.

    As for aversion because of distastefulness...I do differ with your opinion, respectfully.

    We live in a society that relishes and by our very nature, welcomes the gory and macabre. We rush to the book store or Amazon to buy the latest bestseller, a BDSM trilogy, with NOTHING left to the imagination, that's all the rage worldwide (Good for her by the way...I mean that sincerely). Or, we rush home from work to watch TV as the number one show depicts a band of Zombies wreaking carnage and mayhem while trying to mutilate a rogue dystopian group of humans. We are titillated by the details of a serial killer or rapist, and hang on every detail as it's laid before us on Court TV.

    But let someone like me speak of the hell I survived...It becomes distasteful. It is taboo...something to keep to myself. I have lived in shame and secrecy for over four decades because society and my own lack of self esteem deemed it appropriate. The lost and forgotten child that lives within me cried out, loudly. I finally listened to her. This is her story...

    Thank you again for your lovely comment and for visiting. I am honored.

    All the best to you,

    ~Taylor

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  19. Like everyone else has mentioned--what a courageous person you are!

    Your path to writing and sharing your life story and experiences is so similar to many other artists who produce their art as a means of survival, healing, and reclamation. But to tell ‘this’ sort of story, it requires something else. It embodies the idea of an artist becoming completely bare, even becoming the source of ridicule and further shaming for sharing the authenticity of your story.

    "I’m proud to say the little girl inside my book (inside of me) is fine…I protect her now. This little girl has found her voice…"

    What a blessing it is that she has found her voice and you can hear her clearly. And what a blessing it will be for all of the other children who have suffered abuse--you allow them to find their voices. Your voice will be the sound leading so many others out of the consuming darkness and helplessness produced in the aftermath of abuse.

    Thanks for sharing this so bravely! Brava!

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  20. Brian...

    My...You brought me to tears. What a beautiful and eloquent statement. You have touched me profoundly with your words and insight. I truly do not want to take away from what you have said by responding. You honor me! Thank you seems so insufficient, but it's all I have. Thank you from my soul. I cherish your words...

    ~Taylor

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  21. You paint with words a tapestry of pain and anguish, and yet show their is survival to those in the same plight. Your voice is clear and positive. A great and enlightening read, Taylor.

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    1. Cynthia...

      Thank you sweet sister for your lovely comment. Words are powerful. They can do great harm or touch someone so deeply they are changed forever. My hope is that my words will do the latter...

      Thank you for reading my heart...

      ~Taylor

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  22. Well Taylor, it was my creative kinship and friendship with the wonderfully committed Marta that got me here today... And I immediately have to say how much I admire and was touched by your bravery and determination to shine light into the darkeness, not just as an act of self healing - but also as a compassionate and deeply generous gift to help others.... As well as a statement of will that says this abuse must be confronted, exposed and stopped, wherever possible. A process which thankfully beginning to gain momentum too here in England. And how curious and wonderful too that the new poem I was corressponding with Marta about also focuses on how to personally resource confronting darkness, damage and despair. It was all meant to be, for sure... All power to you Taylor - With Best Wishes Scott - my poem is called 'such things' http://www.scotthastie.com/?p=2254

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    1. Scott...

      I firmly believe that none of us meet by accident, we are meant to cross each others paths for a reason. My original motivation for writing this was "I'll show you!" But hundreds of emails, messages and letters later, I am of a mind to think I might be getting through. Hope springs eternal...

      Now, as for Marta...she has been a persistent, unfailing force in my life and my subsequent journey with this book. You're a wise man to take heed and listen...heehee!

      Thank you for taking the time and effort to leave such a lovely comment and insights. I shall venture over and read your poem.

      All the best to you Scott...

      ~Taylor

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  23. I'm posting for Tim DeLaMatter, with his permission. This is a LinkedIn message he sent me:

    Hello Marta
    I read the two faces of shame you have on your blog and have to say wow, I am so thankful that I read it. Child Sexual abuse is something we as a society do not hear enough about. We need people to realize that the people being created with a lack of morality is only going to get higher.

    The book is raw but I think needful to hear because maybe people will see how bad this is. Thanks again for posting it.

    This problem is all over the World, in Taiwan when I was there with a Mission organization the amount of little girls being abused by older brothers, uncles, fathers, and even friends of the family was a sad commentary of the society there. I went away with a deep realization that sexual abuse of minors is horrific because it never goes away until the person can release it.

    Thanks again
    Tim

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  24. Tim...

    Thank you for reading Marta's interview. She extended me great latitude in posting and commenting. For that and many other things, I am so grateful.

    I love the statement, "the book is raw." That it is my friend. I've read a few others of the same genre since publishing mine and I find much left to the imagination. Maybe that's a good thing...maybe not. I didn't write graphically for shock value. Actually, if the truth be known, I wrote it in a rage as an "I'll show you the crime, then talk to me about punishment." Probably not the best place to write from, but the words wouldn't stop.

    If I can make people feel for just a little while, the desolate darkness children exist in...if I can make people see the hopelessness we have while surviving our own private and secretive hell, with no hope of rescue...If I can do that with my words, maybe some child will be rescued before they are ruined for life.
    That's my hope, anyway.

    Thank you again for your comment and insights.

    All the best to you...

    ~Taylor

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  25. I'd like to thank talented Taylor Fulks for allowing me to publish her article, as well as all of you who have commented with such commitment and wisdom.

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